TW: Dog Cancer

[ironcorgi]

Hi, I've been MIA since school started back up. Going to school full time and teaching virtually full time has really dragged me down. I apologize in advance for how scattered this post will probably be.
My 15 year old dog, who I have had since she was 6 months old, is going to pass soon, although she still looks relatively healthy. The only way we knew anything was wrong was because her nipple looked swollen. She is still eating, drinking, playing, etc.

I inherited her from my father who passed away in my teens, so the grief of what she meant to me in terms of inheriting her, is mingling with the "normal" grief of her passing soon. It's been rough.

My 7 year old knows she is sick, but doesn't know the extent of her illness. My dog right now is still acting like her normal self, but they gave her 1-2 months to live.

She has a type of breast cancer that is extremely rare, spreads fast, and doesn't respond to treatment. The pill they gave her helps ease symptoms and has shown to allow dogs to have a good quality of life from anywhere between 20 days and 160 days. It is so rare, there haven't been many studies on the cancer. The studies that are out there show that radiation does not help at all, chemo seems to deteriate the dog faster (within a week), and surgery isn't possible because the cancer is in the skin. The infected area that has to come out would leave an open wound that never heals.

All of this to ask, should I prepare my daughter now for what is to come or continue talking about her illness as her quality of life goes down? While I am agnostic, my daughter has heard of heaven through my in laws and it comforts her to think of death in that way. She has had family members pass, so dying won't be a new concept to her.

I don't think I can bring myself to talk to her right this second because I've been crying off and on since we found out yesterday. But once I pull myself together, I don't know if it will be easier to have discussions as they come up, or tell her now that we don't have much time left with our dog.

Thoughts?

[Deleted]

First if all, I am so sorry to hear about your dog.
I have a 16-yr old cat that is my daughter's (just turned 8) entire world. They are the best of buddies. We have already been talking about how long cats can live, and she can do the math. Lately he's been losing weight and just acting old, so I've been talking to her more often about the fact that he'll pass at some point. It'll hurt no matter what, but I want her to have a chance to think about and process it before it actually happens. So if I were you, I'd be upfront.
As far as heaven, I'm also agnostic and if that idea brings her comfort, I wouldn't worry about it.

[caer]

I’m so sorry. I don’t have a lot of concrete advice because I think it probably depends on the exact situation and how your kiddo handles things. But basically I don’t think there’s a wrong way to handle this and you should do what feels right to you.

FWIW, we lost our 16 year old dog in August. He didn’t have a diagnosed illness but clearly wasn’t doing well. We didn’t tell our boys (6 & 3) that he didn’t have much time but when they noticed that his behavior had changed, we did answer questions openly and honestly. When he passed, we simply told them that he was old and his body stopped working.

Sending you hugs and love as you navigate all of this. ❤️

[wedding]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. We put our 20yr old cat down when my son was five a couple year ago. I think it’s kid dependent on how you approach it. We chose to be open about everything and let our son know what we knew. He took on a bit more of a caregiver role with the cat and would protect him when people came over, warning them of his age and fragility, which I think he took comfort in. I don’t know if it helped or not. He was still very upset when we had to say goodbye and for some time after. It probably helped me a little to not have to answer many questions after he passed since I was not in a good place to answer.

[ironcorgi]

Thanks for everybody's response. Once I feel like I can talk about it, I think I will tell her that the vet cannot cure the sickness and that we don't know how much time we have left with her.
One thing that I think might help is we do have two other dogs. One of those is "her" dog. I'm hoping my daughter can lean on our other furry companions for support. Animals are so therapeutic and seem to know just what we need while we grieve.

Cancer just sucks.
2020 also sucks. This was the last thing we needed right now, but it always works out like that right?

[piratecat]

I’m so sorry. I just found out my 13YO cat likely has a rare cancer as well. My kid is only 3 so our conversations are different but he is aware that my cat is very sick. He hasn’t experienced death yet but is very curious and asks a lot of questions, and because of his father’s cancer I’ve tried to be careful around the narrative that doctors can cure all diseases and make everyone feel better, and he seems to understand that my cat may not get better. I don’t have any advice other than take the time you need to process it for yourself. ❤️

[jorkzy]

I’m so sorry. I lost 2 dogs in the last 3 years to different forms of cancer, one also a rare one (an insulinoma). With the first dog it was clear he was sick bc when his sugar dropped he got wobbly and disoriented so the kids could tell something was off. He did better with meds (they predicted no more than 6 months and he lasted 2 years from diagnosis!) but in the end they helped him less and less so we had to let him go.
With the second dog, he was fine until he wasn’t so it was a bit more traumatic for them I think. We had only 3 months from diagnosis until he went into crisis and we had to put him down.

All that to say - the kids were a bit sad at the time but overall ok. We’re not religious at all but talked about doggie heaven and how they get to run around doing all the things they loved without being sick anymore (for the first one - Eating garbage and rolling in poop, for the second one - running and cuddling with the first one).

My daughter is 9 now and she still has periods where she gets sad about them (as do I). I had made stuffies that look like them years ago and she sleeps with those stuffies. Can you find a Corgi looking stuffy for her (or for you?). We also talk about them whenever they want to and it seems to help. Also having pictures of the dog around the house is nice. He’s gone but never forgotten, you know?

Hugs. It’s tough for sure ❤️

[ironcorgi]

Sept 19, 2020 20:02:22 GMT -6 piratecat said:

I’m so sorry. I just found out my 13YO cat likely has a rare cancer as well. My kid is only 3 so our conversations are different but he is aware that my cat is very sick. He hasn’t experienced death yet but is very curious and asks a lot of questions, and because of his father’s cancer I’ve tried to be careful around the narrative that doctors can cure all diseases and make everyone feel better, and he seems to understand that my cat may not get better. I don’t have any advice other than take the time you need to process it for yourself. ❤️

I remember when your husband got diagnosed with cancer. I'm so sorry about your cat. This is the last thing you needed on your plate and I cannot imagine being in your shoes right now.
It's so tough to handle our own emotions, put it in words our children understand, and handle their emotions also.
Seriously, fuck cancer.

[ironcorgi]

Sept 19, 2020 20:14:53 GMT -6 jorkzy said:

I’m so sorry. I lost 2 dogs in the last 3 years to different forms of cancer, one also a rare one (an insulinoma). With the first dog it was clear he was sick bc when his sugar dropped he got wobbly and disoriented so the kids could tell something was off. He did better with meds (they predicted no more than 6 months and he lasted 2 years from diagnosis!) but in the end they helped him less and less so we had to let him go.
With the second dog, he was fine until he wasn’t so it was a bit more traumatic for them I think. We had only 3 months from diagnosis until he went into crisis and we had to put him down.

All that to say - the kids were a bit sad at the time but overall ok. We’re not religious at all but talked about doggie heaven and how they get to run around doing all the things they loved without being sick anymore (for the first one - Eating garbage and rolling in poop, for the second one - running and cuddling with the first one).

My daughter is 9 now and she still has periods where she gets sad about them (as do I). I had made stuffies that look like them years ago and she sleeps with those stuffies. Can you find a Corgi looking stuffy for her (or for you?). We also talk about them whenever they want to and it seems to help. Also having pictures of the dog around the house is nice. He’s gone but never forgotten, you know?

Hugs. It’s tough for sure ❤️

My dog has inflammatory mammary carcinoma. It attacks the entire mammary chain, moves to the inguinal lymph nodes, and then moves to the next mammary chain. From there it spreads throughout the body. The vet told us that it is in one mammary chain and has just reached the lymph node. He also said that it is beginning to move toward the other mammary chain.
She is doing better already with her meds. We first went to our primary vet, who put her on the medication and referred us to a vet oncologist to see if they could do anything more for her. She has no tooth decay, no other health issues, and as the vet put it "does not act like she is 15 at all". If it wasn't for the stupid cancer she would probably live to 20.
The meds did seem to help. Within a few hours of her first dose, her swelling went down. So I am hopeful the meds will keep her with us for awhile, but I'm prepared for what could happen very soon.
The oncologist told us that symptoms usually begins with lack of appetite, lethargy, and pain when the mammary gland is touched. But, so far she hasn't had any of those symptoms so he wasn't sure how much time she had left either. He said not to be too hopeful though because it is aggressive and spreads fast.
Having a stuffed animal is a good idea. I heard that there are websites that will make a customized stuffed animal to look like your dog. She's part corgi part schnauzer, but looks exactly like a Pembroke corgi, except for a schnauzer beard (very ladylike).
I've already made the decision to have her cremated and I am going to get her paw print as a tattoo. My dad is also cremated and I have a tattoo of his handwriting on my shoulder blade. It sounds weird, but I feel like it will help close that "chapter" of my life.

[thechickencoop]

I'm so sorry.

We had to put down our 14 year old dog over the summer and it sucked. We had been actually preparing our oldest (8) for like a year because he was old!

He had been slowing down a bit over the winter but really went downhill starting in the spring (super awesome timing 😐). We are lucky that our vet is one of my BFFs so she came over one day and we euthanized him at home. She took him back to the office to store while we got his grave dug and ready and then we were able bury him the next day. DS1 and I went then to pick out flowers and rocks and stuff for the gravesite.

You guys here suggested some great books and I was able to pick a couple up locally. Dog Heaven was one that he liked a lot. We are also not religious but it gave him comfort. We still talk about him and DS still gets sad when he does.

Again, I'm so sorry. Just prepare yourself for her to possibly go downhill quickly though one her appetite goes. Our old dog was diagnosed with large cell lymphoma (only was we knew was he almost dropped over dead one day and we did exploratory surgery that afternoon. Found out his fucking intestines ruptured 😧) but we didnt pursue treatment and he lived for 2 months then one day had the same acute symptoms. We had go put him down that night. Luckily DS1 was only a few months old at THAT time. Him being 8 with this one has been...much rougher.

{{hugs}}

[McBenny]

Sept 19, 2020 17:52:06 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

Thanks for everybody's response. Once I feel like I can talk about it, I think I will tell her that the vet cannot cure the sickness and that we don't know how much time we have left with her.
One thing that I think might help is we do have two other dogs. One of those is "her" dog. I'm hoping my daughter can lean on our other furry companions for support. Animals are so therapeutic and seem to know just what we need while we grieve.

Cancer just sucks.
2020 also sucks. This was the last thing we needed right now, but it always works out like that right?

this is what I would do. I would tell her this is what the tests have shown. The vet is not able to cure the illness.

I'm sorry you're facing this.

[ironcorgi]

Update:

We are probably going to euthanize my dog Saturday. She was doing really well, but as of Sunday has started declining rapidly.

My question to whoever has experience with this:
Who took the animal to get euthanized? I don't want her to be alone, but I honestly do not think I can emotionally handle being present. I start uncontrollably crying just thinking about it. I can't even call the vet's office to make the appointment because I am so upset. If I am visibly upset, my dog also becomes agitated and I don't want her to be agitated the last minutes of her life. I do not handle death nor grief very well, which probably stems from my dad's traumatic passing.
Would it be awful of me if my significant other took her? She is technically my dog, but she has also been his for the last nine years.
However, he rarely goes to the vet with them, so his name isn't on any of the vet information. Will the vet side eye me about him taking her instead of me?
Thanks for any input. This sucks.

[apk4]

ironcorgi My vet was incredibly understanding and not judgmental at all when we had to put our dog down. I think your SO would be fine to take her. I am so sorry for you and your family.

[Bluebird]

I’m so sorry. We just lost my 17 year old dog a few weeks ago, and it absolutely gutted me.

My DS is younger than your child (he is almost 5), but we kept it very simple. He saw me crying a lot in the days leading up to our appointment, and I explained that I was sad because I love the dog so much and was going to really miss him. We said that the dog’s body was hurting and not working so well anymore, and that it was time for him to go to heaven, where he would not hurt. We are not particularly religious, but DS goes to a faith-based preschool.

Since then, DS likes to ask me questions about what the dog was like when he was younger so he can imagine what he’s doing up in heaven. It’s still hard for me to talk about (crying again now typing this response!), but DS loves all the stories.

[piratecat]

ironcorgi, I'm so sorry.

Do what you feel you need to do. You can say goodbye to her at home in an environment where you two are both most comfortable. The vet will not think twice about who is bringing her in. My H and I both took my cat in but that is what we chose to do.

I am so sorry, this is so hard. Please know that you are doing the kindest thing by recognizing that she is done fighting.

[Bluebird]

ironcorgi, my vet came to the house to euthanize. I wanted to be with him but he always hated going to the vet, so I didn’t want his final moments to be there.

I’m sure your vet will be understanding however you need to handle.

[bellatrix]

I am so sorry.

[thechickencoop]

Oh girl. I'm so sorry. Believe me, vets have seen it ALL during euthanasia. So do whatever works for you. I can guarantee that the techs and vets that are present will give your pup tons of comfort and love.

[armpants]

ironcorgi have you considered using a mobile vet? We did for our dog and one cat that we had to put down. That way they were in a familiar place and surrounded by family. I found that was easier (but not easy) than when we euthanized in the vet's office. Maybe your vet has someone they would recommend.

I'm so sorry, sending loving thoughts to your family during this difficult time.

[sudsy]

ironcorgi Do you want me to talk you through everything? Maybe it’ll ease your mind a bit. I can even schedule the appointment for you if you’d like.

[ironcorgi]

I thought about having it done at our home, but we have two other dogs and three cats. It would be a lot of excitement, dogs jumping, cats getting in the way (our cats are VERY friendly), etc. I don't think it would be the best route to go in terms of calmness.

The good thing is, my dog loves the vet's office and seeing other people, so she would be just fine going to the vet. It's me that can't get my shit together 🤦‍♀️ just taking her to get her diagnosis was awful and they had to let me leave through the back.

[ironcorgi]

Oct 7, 2020 8:28:14 GMT -6 sudsy said:

ironcorgi Do you want me to talk you through everything? Maybe it’ll ease your mind a bit. I can even schedule the appointment for you if you’d like.

I'm going to pull myself together to at least schedule it (let's hope lol) but I would love to talk about it. Thank you. I'll message you later when I get off work

[sudsy]

Oct 7, 2020 8:33:46 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

Oct 7, 2020 8:28:14 GMT -6 sudsy said:

ironcorgi Do you want me to talk you through everything? Maybe it’ll ease your mind a bit. I can even schedule the appointment for you if you’d like.

I'm going to pull myself together to at least schedule it (let's hope lol) but I would love to talk about it. Thank you. I'll message you later when I get off work

Happy to help. I’ll be around. When you schedule, make sure you give them the name of whoever might bring the pup if it may not be you. Let them know you are giving authorization to sign paperwork. I don’t want you to get stuck answering a bunch of questions Saturday when you’ll be distraught. Ask if they allow people in the building.

[ironcorgi]

Oct 7, 2020 8:38:23 GMT -6 sudsy said:

Oct 7, 2020 8:33:46 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

I'm going to pull myself together to at least schedule it (let's hope lol) but I would love to talk about it. Thank you. I'll message you later when I get off work

Happy to help. I’ll be around. When you schedule, make sure you give them the name of whoever might bring the pup if it may not be you. Let them know you are giving authorization to sign paperwork. I don’t want you to get stuck answering a bunch of questions Saturday when you’ll be distraught. Ask if they allow people in the building.

That's a good idea to let them know that he might be the one taking her. I want to go, I am just worried that my reaction will cause more anxiety than needed. It might make me feel better to tell them that he might be the one taking her, so that when the day comes, if I do feel like I can take her without hyperventilating and having a panic attack, then I still have that option. I just hope the vet understands the situation. They witnessed how upset I got during the diagnosis, so I hope they understand if he is the one who ends up taking her.
I do know they allow people in the waiting room, and they did let me back when they gave me the news of her cancer because the vet wanted me to have a moment out of the public eye. I have no idea what their protocol is right now for euthanization though. I didn't even think about if being in the room was an option. Covid sucks and makes all these situations a million times worse.

[piratecat]

Oct 7, 2020 9:30:40 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

Oct 7, 2020 8:38:23 GMT -6 sudsy said:

Happy to help. I’ll be around. When you schedule, make sure you give them the name of whoever might bring the pup if it may not be you. Let them know you are giving authorization to sign paperwork. I don’t want you to get stuck answering a bunch of questions Saturday when you’ll be distraught. Ask if they allow people in the building.

That's a good idea to let them know that he might be the one taking her. I want to go, I am just worried that my reaction will cause more anxiety than needed. It might make me feel better to tell them that he might be the one taking her, so that when the day comes, if I do feel like I can take her without hyperventilating and having a panic attack, then I still have that option. I just hope the vet understands the situation. They witnessed how upset I got during the diagnosis, so I hope they understand if he is the one who ends up taking her.
I do know they allow people in the waiting room, and they did let me back when they gave me the news of her cancer because the vet wanted me to have a moment out of the public eye. I have no idea what their protocol is right now for euthanization though. I didn't even think about if being in the room was an option. Covid sucks and makes all these situations a million times worse.

Neither my regular vet nor the animal hospital allow people inside the building at all but they both would have allowed us to be in the exam room for the euthanasia (one person at my vet and two at the animal hospital). It is definitely worth checking but I would think they'd let you or your partner come in, especially if they let you in the back before.

[sudsy]

Oct 7, 2020 9:30:40 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

Oct 7, 2020 8:38:23 GMT -6 sudsy said:

Happy to help. I’ll be around. When you schedule, make sure you give them the name of whoever might bring the pup if it may not be you. Let them know you are giving authorization to sign paperwork. I don’t want you to get stuck answering a bunch of questions Saturday when you’ll be distraught. Ask if they allow people in the building.

That's a good idea to let them know that he might be the one taking her. I want to go, I am just worried that my reaction will cause more anxiety than needed. It might make me feel better to tell them that he might be the one taking her, so that when the day comes, if I do feel like I can take her without hyperventilating and having a panic attack, then I still have that option. I just hope the vet understands the situation. They witnessed how upset I got during the diagnosis, so I hope they understand if he is the one who ends up taking her.
I do know they allow people in the waiting room, and they did let me back when they gave me the news of her cancer because the vet wanted me to have a moment out of the public eye. I have no idea what their protocol is right now for euthanization though. I didn't even think about if being in the room was an option. Covid sucks and makes all these situations a million times worse.

The vet will totally understand. You aren’t the first and won’t be the last owner to elect not to stay. We handle that all the time. My guess is if they allowed you in for the diagnosis, they will allow at least one person in for the actual euthanasia if you want that.

But yes, COVID sucks a lot. It’s made my job 100000 times harder.

[daisy]

I'm so sorry.

[craypoupon]

I’m so sorry you all are going through this right now. I just wanted to say that it is ok to cry at the vets office- they truly have seen it all. For me it was cathartic to be able to hold and pet my little ones after they passed And to see them go so peacefully. In the end I was very glad I was there. Just another perspective. Sending your family good thoughts in this difficult time.

[thechickencoop]

Oct 7, 2020 8:33:46 GMT -6 ironcorgi said:

Oct 7, 2020 8:28:14 GMT -6 sudsy said:

ironcorgi Do you want me to talk you through everything? Maybe it’ll ease your mind a bit. I can even schedule the appointment for you if you’d like.

I'm going to pull myself together to at least schedule it (let's hope lol) but I would love to talk about it. Thank you. I'll message you later when I get off work

Do they have email? You can prob just email to schedule it, might be easier than saying it outloud.

[canteverremember]

ironcorgi I’m so sorry you’re all going through this. There is nothing wrong with or judge worthy about not going in if it’s too upsetting. Your SO is very nice for being willing to do this and it’s a nice way for them to be able to help you in a time of great need when there otherwise isn’t much else to do in the way of help.

I wish you well and I hope the next few days you can think of the wonderful life your family gave the dog and how lucky it is to have had you as it’s family. Hugs.