Halloweek

[kleigh]

We had the kids school Halloween party at a town volunteer fire station this morning. That went, not well.

First of all, in case anyone was wondering how 3 year olds respond to firemen in full get up (and not in the cute red shiny outfits they see on tv), it’s basically cries and screams.

Also, AB had an epic meltdown being taken out of the after party. Some kid took his balloon (ok, 1- He wasn’t supposed to have the balloon, MH took it off a wall and gave it to him and 2- It was actually 3 different kids at 3 different times, and, you can tell my kids haven’t ever been in social settings because their responses are borderline sad/inappropriate. They either stand there and cry. Or they chase after the kid and pinch them).

LSS, one of the reasons I’ve been a little absent is bc the kids started school and about 3-4 weeks in (so a months ago), the director sat MH and I down and suggested we contact ECC for AB because “he has a hard time with transitions”. She didn’t mention his speech but I still feel he’s difficult to understand and isn’t “conversational” like AV. There’s a lot to it, but some of the examples she gave were like - um what kid doesn’t have a hard time leaving the playground and, ok we’ll he’s never had to sit still etc. kind of questionable 2yr 11mo old behavior (compared to the almost 4 yr olds in his class).. and some was def adjustment. And some because he wasn’t napping and overtired. So it’s really a mixed bag of shit. I’m all for the evaluations but MH has been very “well let’s wait until their 3 yr check up and ask the pedi”. After today, I’m pretty sure he realizes we should probably proceed. It took 30 minutes and the two of us forcefully restraining him to get in the car seat and he was hyperventilating. At the fire station. But then how much of this is predicated by kids stealing his shit repeatedly, then HIM being removed all of a sudden, it being 12:30pm and he still hasn’t had snack or lunch (which they said they would) and having a shitty nights sleep. Like what’s normal and what’s not?

[tgrimes]

kleigh It wouldn't hurt anything to get him evaluated. You might be able to get free speech out of it! Just out of curiosity, why is he in a class with 4yo kids? Seems like comparing the two isn't really fair.

H got bit in his class last week because he took some kids toy, so I don't find it out of the norm for your kids to pinch someone for taking a balloon away. I think the transitions you're referring to is pretty normal. He just needs to get the routine down and has never been in this type of setting until now.

[waitwhat]

kleigh I tend to also pull away when I’m getting in my head about B and his progress. Comparison is such a bitch and even though I tell myself not to do it I always do it. Every kid is so different and I’m sure all those outside factors influence AB’s behavior. My kids never want to leave the park so I usually have to resort to bribery of some sort because I can’t be dealing with that shit every time. I would for sure get the eval done just for peace of mind. I just got an eval done for B for OT and now I’m kicking myself wishing I had done it over the summer like I originally wanted. These extra services will only help our kiddos. And like tgrimes said you may get an eval for speech and if he needs a little push there that will only benefit him!

Edited to add J bites and scratches also. He doesn’t do it at school but does it at home to all of us.

[cookswithwine]

I’m sorry kleigh the scenario of you forecefully removing AB and restraining him in the car seat, I have been there! Preschool told us O has a hard time w transitions too. They use to give him little tasks at transitions to help ease the change. Like helping the teacher pick up the plates, etc. At home, I warn him ahead of time when something is about to change. Like in 5 mins we are going to take a bath. I also think your kids need some time to adjust considering this is their first time in a structure school setting.

[danib]

I'm sorry things are stressful kleigh. I agree with everyone else that it definitely doesn't hurt to go ahead with the evaluation. I'll also say that I can 100% see H acting similarly in a situation with all of those factors at play. He still has trouble with sharing and throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe. He's improved since starting playgroup, but it certainly wasn't instant.

[kleigh]

Thank you all tgrimes danib waitwhat cookswithwine

tgrimes , Our cutoff is Dec 1st here. So being that they turn 3 on Nov 5, they are in with kids who will turn 4 some within a couple days or weeks of Dec 1st.

Whoever mentioned the comparisons that’s one of the things that “makes it hard”. Knowing that he’s being compared not just to his peers but his sister, knowing she isn’t in need of assistance, watching her do things he struggles with, her sometimes being the issue of the one to take things from him just out of sheer control, talk over him, and speak for him (see side note below). Which I get some older sibs also do, but I think I just started to feel like a newbie all over again. New age, new stage, new setting etc. Add that I talk to one person and it’s “oh you know these parents these dats, they push for services bc they want their kid at the top of the class”, and then the ones who advocate against it bc “oh these schools, you know they get more funding if your child is diagnosed with this or that, don’t let them do that”... it’s like who the hell do you listen to? I’m learning the answer is myself but working on the confidence.

Side note: Not seriously, but at least on more than one occasion have I thought or felt that it would be easier or better for both the kids if we split and each of us had custody of one and then switched throughout the week. Like they are NOT like this one on one, ever. They feed off each other.

/end rant. It’s been a day. I treated myself to a pumpkin spice martini while my MIL watched the kids for two hours.

[starbuck]

kleigh it sounds like you are following your gut which is always the way to go with these things. Sometimes a little help goes a long way.

Re: Tantrums, FWIW, W is like just within the last few months starting to not be so damn crazy and tantrum-prone. He's had more than a few of those where he was completely beyond reckoning, sweating and screaming. Bear hug until he calms type of deal.

Implementing some transition warnings can be really helpful. But also make sure that you are consistent and predictable. He should know what to expect from you. And, finally, lots of picking battles. We could have been better about that. H still sucks at it lol

[waitwhat]

kleigh, we have the same Dec 1 cut off date here. In J's class specifically, hes the youngest by a long shot. Even B, who is 4, is in preschool with kids who are turning 5. My neighbors daughter has a late December birthday so she's in the same grade as B but practically 7 months older which is huge for young kids. It's really tough. I've already began to think about possibly holding J back a year but that is a convo I will have with his teacher later in the school year.

Also, separating them might be very helpful. I know I don't have twins but my kids are 15 months apart and depend on each other so so much.. moreso B then J. Like if we are at the playground, they tend to play only together because it's comfortable. Same with if we go to the children's museum or a play cafe etc. They are also much more well behaved when separated so my H and I have been trying to do things solo with them. I think it's helping. We are trying to teach B that J isn't always going to be there so he needs to battle his shyness and go up to other kids instead of letting his brother always do it.

[starbuck]

It's almost 10am and I'm still the only one in the office. My colleagues push this flexible schedule thing to the max lol

[tgrimes]

Oct 30, 2019 7:52:51 GMT -6 starbuck said:

It's almost 10am and I'm still the only one in the office. My colleagues push this flexible schedule thing to the max lol

Damn.  Do they still work 8 hours or is it more like, as long as the work gets done it doesn't matter type of thing?

[starbuck]

Oct 30, 2019 8:04:05 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

Oct 30, 2019 7:52:51 GMT -6 starbuck said:

It's almost 10am and I'm still the only one in the office. My colleagues push this flexible schedule thing to the max lol

Damn.  Do they still work 8 hours or is it more like, as long as the work gets done it doesn't matter type of thing?

They're supposed to work 40, it's just whatever 40 you choose so long as you are showing up for meetings and the work is getting done.

But you know. There are some people chronically not busy and others overburdened. We are trying to figure out how to achieve that balance although since the work we win dictates staff utilization it's a bit of a moving target.

[tgrimes]

If anyone needs a laugh, watch this video.

www.popsugar.com/family/video-boy-on-toilet-declaring-i-didnt-pee-i-pooped-46815405?utm_source=family-newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=family-newsletter-Wed-10302019&esg_id=174867124&trk=article_image_4

[kleigh]

starbuck Such an interesting topic... I’ve been wanting to talk to HR/management about this very thing for a while but I also feel like there’s mixed opinions and then puts a bullseye on my back. I get what it looks like to others that I have some flexibility in my schedule, but I also do double (or even triple for some) the amount of work that they do.

So in today’s work environment, who is the one to “judge”:

A) who is overburdened, don’t we all have different limits, limitations, the amount that stresses Betty might be different than the amount that stresses me?

B) Have I done enough work today? If my colleague can get one renewal marketing done in a day, but I can do 3 plus answer client emails/needs. Do I slow down my work to be on par with her and underperform, or do I advantage with some flexibility in the rest of my work week. OR (and this is where it currently stands), are we given more and more to do, in which case the others do less, slower, etc. but at least my hours on the clock are fulfilled

C) We all work differently. If I choose not to take lunch, sit and talk wit coworkers, go outside for a cigarette, or choose to log on in the evening while I have laundry going and my kids are sleeping.. should that count?

Just really intriguing to me bc I think this is more of an issue these days than years ago.. And I’m not sure who is the one to handle it because every has a different agenda (management, HR, peers)

[kleigh]

FTR meant to incite conversation because I truly find it interesting environment, I hope that didn’t sound argumentative or defensive !

[Cheshie6]

Quick question:

If I were to "host" an Usborne party, would anyone actually do it? I'm not but I'm just curious.

Today's review meeting was okay. I had to correct 2 things in front of all these people because the case worker missed it. It was fun to make her initial and date next to her mistakes because that last thing I need is in a year she didn't remember she made the mistake. The school district is offering L 5 days a week. I won't have to pay for any of them. He will get 50 20 minute-sessions/ year with the school's SLP which if school is 25 weeks, that's twice a week. (I think I'm going to ask and push for a bit more like 2 30-minute sessions) They are going to monitor his fine motor skills, and I have to figure out how to word communication because I will not be waiting for a report card just to find out how my child is doing. I mentioned a notebook, and the preschool teacher nixed that so any other ideas would be helpful.

I've always been curious kleigh, about flexible work hours as well! My sister's job is as long as you do your work. However, they are better about evenly distributing the work and if you aren't pulling your weight, you are required to stay in the office during allotted business hours. They do quarterly reviews of just hours and workload and you get a talking to if you you aren't meeting your quota.

[cookswithwine]

Happy Halloween!
Plans today are Os Halloween parade at 330 then come home and get ready for ToT. Our neighborhood is weird in that everyone sets up tables in the driveway and sits at them with the candy. I miss the kids ringing the door bell... but if u don’t have a table out they won’t come. Last year was our first year here, so I didn’t know this. I had to run inside and grab Os little play table. This year I’m prepared w a 6 ft folding table, orange table cloth, lanterns, themed candy buckets. I’m also going to put our jack o lantern on it too. H and Is family comes over to man the table while we take O ToT.

[tgrimes]

Today the kids could dress up as their favorite storybook character aka be whatever they want. M decided on Rapunzel so we wouldn't get Moana dirty. She was so excited to wear it this morning. She was all dressed ready to go and she broke down in tears. She was scared she'd be the only one dressed up. I assured her she wouldn't be and listed all of the moms who had texted me to see whether dress up day was yesterday or today because their kids would be wearing costumes. That didn't work. She decided to wear her uniform. I even offered to bring her uniform in the car and when we got to drop off line, if no one else was dressed up, she could change. Nope.

So we get to school and she's seeing everyone in their costumes. I thought she'd freak out but she said she was scared she'd be the only in her class dressed up. Okay.

Guess who just got a text from her teacher because she's the only one in the class not dressed up...

[waitwhat]

Happy Halloween!

B didn’t want to wear his costume this morning but once we got to school and he saw all the kids dressed up he was on board. He has a parade at 10:45 so J and I will go to that and then he gets to come home.

My mom and her SO are coming over tonight and her SO will stay at the house and hand out candy. Her and I will most likely bring our travelers of wine and take he kids to a couple of houses. It’s supposed to be super cold, rainy, and windy so I don’t anticipate lasting too long. Atleast the wine will keep us warm 😜

[starbuck]

Oct 30, 2019 12:03:40 GMT -6 kleigh said:

starbuck Such an interesting topic... I’ve been wanting to talk to HR/management about this very thing for a while but I also feel like there’s mixed opinions and then puts a bullseye on my back. I get what it looks like to others that I have some flexibility in my schedule, but I also do double (or even triple for some) the amount of work that they do.

So in today’s work environment, who is the one to “judge”:

A) who is overburdened, don’t we all have different limits, limitations, the amount that stresses Betty might be different than the amount that stresses me?

B) Have I done enough work today? If my colleague can get one renewal marketing done in a day, but I can do 3 plus answer client emails/needs. Do I slow down my work to be on par with her and underperform, or do I advantage with some flexibility in the rest of my work week. OR (and this is where it currently stands), are we given more and more to do, in which case the others do less, slower, etc. but at least my hours on the clock are fulfilled

C) We all work differently. If I choose not to take lunch, sit and talk wit coworkers, go outside for a cigarette, or choose to log on in the evening while I have laundry going and my kids are sleeping.. should that count?

Just really intriguing to me bc I think this is more of an issue these days than years ago.. And I’m not sure who is the one to handle it because every has a different agenda (management, HR, peers)

I got distracted lol

I never know what to do because (unless the workload is just truly insane, which is a temporary thing) I also have a tendency to work fast. In past jobs especially I got accolades for how much I was getting done "above and beyond" when the reality was, like, I was working a few hours a day sometimes, banging it all out and goofing off the rest of the time. Because I was meeting my goals and then some, I didn't feel bad not killing myself to find 8 hours of work per day.

If the organization as a whole is overburdened, however, I do think there is some merit to adjusting your workload to help the team get thru the mess (ASSUMING your employer is typically reasonable, recognizes people who go above and beyond, it's temporary, and you believe that the work you do is worth going above and beyond for).

But basically I have found that the people who sneer at flexible work arrangements for people who dependably get shit done are themselves chronic underperforms (and usually boomers). I roll my eyes and move on.

[starbuck]

It looks like our rain may move out just in time for ToTing...maybe...

[cookswithwine]

Also Happy Birthday to all our N16 Halloween babies!

[cookswithwine]

It is 93 degrees... record high.

[kleigh]

Good morning!

Well we did it. We went out. My sister and her kids, and me and AV (AB was, I think, scared to go out?) were the only people out but we took the kids TOTing for like 45 mins. It ended up being a gorgeous night here (67*, no rain, and just some wind). Not sure what everyone else in her neighborhood ended up doing bc we were very literally the only ones out.

Now WFH today and then, maybe hopefully a date night later? We haven’t had one in weeks. Then tomorrow scrambling to figure out their bday party, I intended to order sandwiches and I never did. At least they’ll have cake?

[Cheshie6]

Anyone else feel hung over from TOTing? I feel like I drank a whole bottle of wine and I didn’t!?! 🤷🏽‍♀️

[cookswithwine]

Nov 1, 2019 10:10:56 GMT -6 Cheshie6 said:

Anyone else feel hung over from TOTing? I feel like I drank a whole bottle of wine and I didn’t!?! 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yes, because I did drink a whole bottle of wine 😂

[tgrimes]

Nov 1, 2019 10:16:56 GMT -6 cookswithwine said:

Nov 1, 2019 10:10:56 GMT -6 Cheshie6 said:

Anyone else feel hung over from TOTing? I feel like I drank a whole bottle of wine and I didn’t!?! 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yes, because I did drink a whole bottle of wine 😂

[cookswithwine]

tgrimes I can’t see for some reason

[tgrimes]

Nov 1, 2019 17:53:59 GMT -6 cookswithwine said:

tgrimes I can’t see for some reason

I can only gif on desktop now so I won’t be able to fix it. It was just a laughing gif. You’re not missing out on anything great.

[cookswithwine]

So we took the kids to a museum this morning. As soon as we sit down for a 30 min space show, D has a poop explosion that gets out of his diaper all over his clothes and mine. Since the show had started they lock the doors from the outside so if I leave I won’t be able to get back in. So I decide to change him in the last row on the ground and I have to strip him naked bc shit is everywhere. I can’t see bc the only light is the red strip lighting so you can see where to walk. He starts screaming bc he’s naked and cold.... fun times!

[goldenlove]

LOL cookswithwine!!