nmom
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Post by nmom on May 29, 2019 17:26:44 GMT -6
A lot of you all have LO my DD age (4) I wanted to post here before I talk to my doctor. I’m not feeling it’s post partum depression but I’m worried idk if I should seek out meds or if this is normal. I just don’t feel that same obssesed feelings I had with DD with DS I love him he’s so sweet and adorable but I can set him down, I can go clean, I have even left the house without him. I could have never done that with DD. I will say I likely had PPA a little bit with her that’s just carried over into general anxiety but I’m way more relaxed with him. I feel guilty like I don’t love him the same that I loved her. And I’m having a very hard time with them both. My head spins sometimes lol. Anyone else feel this way with their second? My six week check is Friday where I intend to chat with the doctor. My friends say it’s all normal and just my typical mom guilt I’m great at carrying around.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2019 18:37:20 GMT -6
A lot of you all have LO my DD age (4) I wanted to post here before I talk to my doctor. I’m not feeling it’s post partum depression but I’m worried idk if I should seek out meds or if this is normal. I just don’t feel that same obssesed feelings I had with DD with DS I love him he’s so sweet and adorable but I can set him down, I can go clean, I have even left the house without him. I could have never done that with DD. I will say I likely had PPA a little bit with her that’s just carried over into general anxiety but I’m way more relaxed with him. I feel guilty like I don’t love him the same that I loved her. And I’m having a very hard time with them both. My head spins sometimes lol. Anyone else feel this way with their second? My six week check is Friday where I intend to chat with the doctor. My friends say it’s all normal and just my typical mom guilt I’m great at carrying around. I could have written this. My DD is almost 4 too. I just haven’t connected with DS. He’s only smiled at me once (7 weeks Friday) and he’s just not all that happy when he’s awake. I feel the same sort of guilt and I’m hoping it starts to pass when DS (hopefully) becomes more interactive.
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nmom
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Post by nmom on May 29, 2019 18:48:49 GMT -6
A lot of you all have LO my DD age (4) I wanted to post here before I talk to my doctor. I’m not feeling it’s post partum depression but I’m worried idk if I should seek out meds or if this is normal. I just don’t feel that same obssesed feelings I had with DD with DS I love him he’s so sweet and adorable but I can set him down, I can go clean, I have even left the house without him. I could have never done that with DD. I will say I likely had PPA a little bit with her that’s just carried over into general anxiety but I’m way more relaxed with him. I feel guilty like I don’t love him the same that I loved her. And I’m having a very hard time with them both. My head spins sometimes lol. Anyone else feel this way with their second? My six week check is Friday where I intend to chat with the doctor. My friends say it’s all normal and just my typical mom guilt I’m great at carrying around. I could have written this. My DD is almost 4 too. I just haven’t connected with DS. He’s only smiled at me once (7 weeks Friday) and he’s just not all that happy when he’s awake. I feel the same sort of guilt and I’m hoping it starts to pass when DS (hopefully) becomes more interactive. I keep saying that to MH DS doesn’t look at me yet just a few times. Only a couple smiles. MH wonders if that attributes to some of my feelings in use to DD being able to be so interactive being 4 obviously lol
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Post by jewelsofthenile on May 29, 2019 20:21:52 GMT -6
nmom I think that is a normal feeling you are still working bonding with the new baby. I am not a person who falls instantly in love with newborns. It takes time for me to start really bonding and the baby being able to smile and coo really helps for me. I still wish newborns acted like 4 month olds though...smiling, laughing, holding their head's up. Then maybe i would fall in love instantly.
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pambee
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Post by pambee on May 29, 2019 20:43:09 GMT -6
nmom I think that is normal, but that's not to downplay any feelings you're having. I feel totally fine leaving H, but I think the fact that I know I have people I'm comfortable leaving him with because I've been able to trust them with E helps too. I agree too that once he's interacting more it'll be easier to connect, seeing H watch E and how much he loves her (and vice versa) really helps too. Basically, I don't think the fact that you're comfortable leaving him means that you don't or can't love him or love him any less. It just means that you're in a different place in your life than you were 4 years ago. I mean, before your DD you had all the free time in the world and now you've had a mini following you around all the time for 4 years, so you're more open to having breaks/you time when you can get them 😂🤷
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nmom
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Post by nmom on May 29, 2019 20:57:54 GMT -6
nmom I think that is normal, but that's not to downplay any feelings you're having. I feel totally fine leaving H, but I think the fact that I know I have people I'm comfortable leaving him with because I've been able to trust them with E helps too. I agree too that once he's interacting more it'll be easier to connect, seeing H watch E and how much he loves her (and vice versa) really helps too. Basically, I don't think the fact that you're comfortable leaving him means that you don't or can't love him or love him any less. It just means that you're in a different place in your life than you were 4 years ago. I mean, before your DD you had all the free time in the world and now you've had a mini following you around all the time for 4 years, so you're more open to having breaks/you time when you can get them 😂🤷 Lol a good friend did say, oh look it’s cuz you finally trust your husband to take care of the kids! 😂 I was... v v v overbearing with DD sorry H lol.
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nmom
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Post by nmom on May 29, 2019 20:58:39 GMT -6
nmom I think that is a normal feeling you are still working bonding with the new baby. I am not a person who falls instantly in love with newborns. It takes time for me to start really bonding and the baby being able to smile and coo really helps for me. I still wish newborns acted like 4 month olds though...smiling, laughing, holding their head's up. Then maybe i would fall in love instantly. I was head over heels right away with DD but I will agree seeing her grow I’m like oh man everything is so fun when their personality comes out. Or eye contact lol. I mean he’s a great cuddler lol
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 30, 2019 8:10:47 GMT -6
nmom, I have a 4.5 yo DD and I've felt the same way. With her, I couldn't bear to leave her, cried a LOT about going back to work, got antsy when others held her, etc. I remember once her grandparents were going to babysit so we could go out to a bar when she was around 3 months, but I thought she was getting hee first cold and I got so anxious I cried and didn't want to leave her. This time around, I have no problem leaving to go to the store, etc. We went to a brewery for a brief date when she was like 5 weeks old. I even went on a day trip (work related) a few weeks ago and was gone 11 hours I think? I was attributing these feelings to having mild PPA after DD was born because her birth was somewhat traumatic for me, plus I was exclusively BFing her so we were never separated. This time I am pretty much exclusively pumping (not by choice, I wanted to nurse the twins too but pumping is just easier for me this time around). So I think it's just way easier for me to hand them off.
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Post by tapdancer on May 30, 2019 19:25:53 GMT -6
So, we went to a Memorial Day BBQ yesterday, and I saw a photo of myself from the side on Facebook. I didn't know the picture was being taken. My stomach is still so large. I was aghast. I know I had twins via c section 12 weeks ago and need to give myself some grace, but I just can't believe I look like I do. My weight is almost back to pp weight, but my gosh. So I'm going to commit to the following 3 healthy choices: eat a veg or fruit with every meal and as snack 2x a day (so 5 a day), don't drink as many calories (only water/coffee/maybe an alcoholic drink but only on weekends), and look into some post c section recovery exercises I can do. I don't fit into any of my pants and I knew that I still had a belly, but I was actually feeling really body-positive lately on all the amazing things my body has done/is doing (twins still getting all breast milk). So I'm bummed. I know this is a few days old but I just want to send some hugs your way. I could have written every word of this only change BBQ to my brothers wedding and I didn't have twins. Hang in there because feeding two babies has to be so hard. You are doing an amazing job.
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Post by tapdancer on May 30, 2019 19:28:35 GMT -6
nmom I think it's completely normal to be able to leave the baby and also to feel like you can put him down. Like others have said you are already used to leaving a kid for a bit since your DD is 4. That's a lot of years of practice. Also I feel you on the juggling 2. It's been hard allocating my time to both of them and sometimes I feel like I'm not meeting anyone's needs including my own.
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grover
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Post by grover on May 31, 2019 7:26:19 GMT -6
How is it already June tomorrow??
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Post by haleyscott on May 31, 2019 7:41:08 GMT -6
nmom I agree with what everyone is saying. Dd is my third and I’ve Left her more times already than I did with my first. I’ve just become more comfortable with it over the years and I also know it doesn’t make me a bad person if I go somewhere alone or with mh. Actually, I know I need to make that time or else I won’t be as best as I can be for everyone else.
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Post by haleyscott on May 31, 2019 7:42:57 GMT -6
Eames I just wanted to let you know I feel you on the weight/body. I’m back down to pp but my body is still so different and that’s been difficult. I’m also still above where I want to be in general. I’ve been trying to get walks in and I think I might look into the workouts Yogurt mentioned. I’ve been sick all week and finally went yesterday and it’s strep so everything is on hold for right now though.
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nmom
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Post by nmom on May 31, 2019 11:36:48 GMT -6
Thanks everyone it helps hearing everyone feeling the same way. I did just leave my 6 week and got a small dose of lexapro. I’m back to that brain fog feeling I was having before and I’m sick of constantly wondering if meds will help. A little discouraged I wasn’t able to be off my blood pressure meds because it was borderline today but I’m really hoping the lexapro helps which may trickle down to my migraines and blood pressure who knows. I’ve never been on any type of medication like this so I wasn’t sure which one to get she seemed to really suggest lexapro over the others tho.
Strong willed 4 year olds are hard tho😂 I do feel like that’s most of me feeling different with the baby this time.
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bex15
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Post by bex15 on May 31, 2019 21:16:12 GMT -6
Our daycare won’t allow swaddles for naps (nothing with arms constricted) so I’m wondering what others have done whether it’s just let their baby nap as is or if you’ve found something else that works? I was looking at the nested bean sleep sack if anyone has tried it would love feedback.
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Post by snickerdoodle on Jun 1, 2019 10:18:35 GMT -6
So, we went to a Memorial Day BBQ yesterday, and I saw a photo of myself from the side on Facebook. I didn't know the picture was being taken. My stomach is still so large. I was aghast. I know I had twins via c section 12 weeks ago and need to give myself some grace, but I just can't believe I look like I do. My weight is almost back to pp weight, but my gosh. So I'm going to commit to the following 3 healthy choices: eat a veg or fruit with every meal and as snack 2x a day (so 5 a day), don't drink as many calories (only water/coffee/maybe an alcoholic drink but only on weekends), and look into some post c section recovery exercises I can do. I don't fit into any of my pants and I knew that I still had a belly, but I was actually feeling really body-positive lately on all the amazing things my body has done/is doing (twins still getting all breast milk). So I'm bummed. I know this is a few days old but I just want to send some hugs your way. I could have written every word of this only change BBQ to my brothers wedding and I didn't have twins. Hang in there because feeding two babies has to be so hard. You are doing an amazing job. I totally relate too. It is so hard to have your body change so much and there isn’t time to do what I need to do to get it back and I just want to eat carbs. Looking at myself from the side is the hardest. And none of my clothes fit. My body bounced back faster with my first so I didn’t expect this. So know you aren’t alone! Hugs.
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Post by snickerdoodle on Jun 1, 2019 10:22:44 GMT -6
nmom I know I’m a few days late but I’m glad you are trying medication if you are having a hard time. I have been feeling similarly. I was really anxious and couldn’t leave DD and always played with her (it lasted a long time) and I don’t feel as possessive of C and also am not able to invest as much time in him. I also feel like baby affected my relationship with DD a lot so that is making me feel guilty too. She was the center of my world and now it’s so different. And I’m so impatient with her.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Jun 1, 2019 11:44:11 GMT -6
We toured 2 home daycares in the last week, and they couldn't be more different!
At the first one, we were greeted by 2 really excited dogs jumping up on us. The lady runs it with her husband, and he seemed a little strange to me. I can't put my finger on why. He didn't talk at all or even meet with us until the end, when he told me why the dogs are absolutely not a problem. All I asked was if they've ever had little kids skittish around the dogs and he seemed upset by the question. They also have 2 teenage boys around all the time, which I don't love. She said they can take up to 12 kids, and that she is always there, if they need to run out for milk or something, the husband goes. So how do they meet ratios??? There was a weird blanket hanging up downstairs to partition off a storage area with dog food and other random boxes. Sleeping area consisted of pack and plays in a dark little area in the basement with another blanket to partition off. Worst of all, I think they may be racist... she was talking about their neighbors and how one is a black family but that "they are ok, never had any problems." Like, what?!?! All this for the pleasure of $300 per baby per week.
The other one had a separate daycare space, bright and cheery, great nap area for babies (separate cribs in a dedicated bedroom), thoughtful curriculum, food provided, mother/daughter pair and the mom even used to be a kindergarten teacher. $375 per baby per week but I really liked it and there is a sibling discount. The only thing is we need to pick up by 5pm, so I am going to have to go in super early to work everyday.
Our other option is my daughter's old center, $385 per baby per week and no sibling discount. They were fine, and open a little later (6pm).
Overall with my daughter's school tuition we are going to be out around $4,500 per month. At least it's just one year, then she will go to public school, and the twins will keep getting cheaper. But just adding the numbers up makes me sick.
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bex15
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Post by bex15 on Jun 1, 2019 15:23:22 GMT -6
Which one are you leaning toward Eames?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 18:11:21 GMT -6
Eames I hear you on the crazy daycare prices. We only have 2 at the same time until DD goes to K next fall but it’s still yikes. Bye money.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Jun 1, 2019 18:21:52 GMT -6
Which one are you leaning toward Eames? I'm leaning towards the second in-home run by the mother/daughter. I just have to get my H on board with the timing. If I have to get the babies by 5, I'll have to get up and go to work early (like work 7 to 4), so he'd have to get everyone off and ready solo in the morning. He'll be fine, I think. Babies are easy to get ready, it's toddlers that are the woooorst. If my math is right, it would save us like $3K over the course of the year over the center. And, I felt comfortable there, unlike the first at-home (yikes).
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Post by lemondrop on Jun 2, 2019 12:05:12 GMT -6
Which one are you leaning toward Eames? I'm leaning towards the second in-home run by the mother/daughter. I just have to get my H on board with the timing. If I have to get the babies by 5, I'll have to get up and go to work early (like work 7 to 4), so he'd have to get everyone off and ready solo in the morning. He'll be fine, I think. Babies are easy to get ready, it's toddlers that are the woooorst. If my math is right, it would save us like $3K over the course of the year over the center. And, I felt comfortable there, unlike the first at-home (yikes). I was gunna say - haaaaard pass on #1. That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen 😬
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Jun 2, 2019 15:25:53 GMT -6
I'm leaning towards the second in-home run by the mother/daughter. I just have to get my H on board with the timing. If I have to get the babies by 5, I'll have to get up and go to work early (like work 7 to 4), so he'd have to get everyone off and ready solo in the morning. He'll be fine, I think. Babies are easy to get ready, it's toddlers that are the woooorst. If my math is right, it would save us like $3K over the course of the year over the center. And, I felt comfortable there, unlike the first at-home (yikes). I was gunna say - haaaaard pass on #1. That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen 😬 Yeah we noped right out of that one!
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