jacks
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Post by jacks on May 16, 2019 15:45:25 GMT -6
nmom Going back to work is so tough. I *have* to go back to keep our family’s insurance. I keep telling myself that nothing is permanent and if I just hate it, we can make it work. This maternity leave is so so different than with my first, and I am just enjoying myself so much more. And hugs. I absolutely hated all the questions about having a second child. It especially hurt since I wanted to have kids closer in age, but couldn’t. But thanks, dear acquaintance, for pointing out that I should go ahead and have a second child. I hadn’t thought of that in between the millions of fertility appointments.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 16, 2019 20:17:58 GMT -6
Ugh I hated people commenting on when we were going to have another. I had 2 losses in between and some of the comments were so poorly timed. I'm sorry nmom. My first night doing solo bedtime was ok! I picked up DD from school, did dinner, and gave all 3 kids baths too. One thing I did was get an audio book for DD, it was her first time listening to one. She got to lay in bed and listen to it while I dealt with the twins. Then one twin fell asleep but the other was awake so I just held him in her room while I told her a story and sang her a song. It's all quiet upstairs so I think they are all asleep! Just had a cookie to celebrate.
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jacks
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Post by jacks on May 16, 2019 20:24:33 GMT -6
Go Eames! I haven’t done solo bedtime for both kids yet... but tomorrow night H and I are going out to dinner and our new nanny will be putting DD1 to bed while DD2 maaaaaybe sleeps but probably won’t 😬 Also.... no clue what to wear for dinner. Nothing fits and I’m still rocking the giant granny underwear.
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Post by lemondrop on May 17, 2019 8:22:12 GMT -6
nmom I'm so sorry they hurt your feelings. I had sooo many people asking about when we would have kids when I had my losses. It's like. I'm trying ok. I don't care if it's immediate family. They do not need to be all up in my vagina. Same here. ESP when my sister in law got pregnant and everyone was like, when are YOUUUUU going to have a baby??!! Uh, was currently seeing a $450 an hour reproductive endocrinologist that my insurance didn’t cover and crying every month at negative tests, ok? Fuck off, nosy nellies.
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nmom
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Post by nmom on May 18, 2019 19:12:26 GMT -6
Thanks everyone, I’m sorry for others who have had to hear the annoying comments too:/ People can suck.
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grover
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Post by grover on May 19, 2019 12:29:14 GMT -6
Woot! We put the boys in the cribs for the overnight last night instead of in the SNOOs. J slept all night, L woke up once at 3, I made him a small bottle, he wouldn't take it, farted, smiled, then fell back asleep. So thankful that while my kids are all buttheads during the day, they all enjoy their overnight sleep as much as I do!
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Post by lemondrop on May 21, 2019 19:47:11 GMT -6
Would you leave your LO for a week before they turn 3 months old? I have a job opportunity that would be... a lot of money. But it requires a full week of training at their corporate office in Cincinnati (I’m in Raleigh). Max would be between 9 and 11 weeks old depending on my start date. Other factors: I wouldn’t be able to bring the baby and H can’t come - summer is his busy season. It’s actually insanely crappy timing for H. They can’t/ won’t do Skype or video chat as a replacement. It’s a requirement to be there in person. H has PPD. It might be very hard for him to manage the baby alone for a full week. I could have my MIL fly in to help, and she would, but it’s really more that I don’t want to be away from my baby for that long My supply has been dwindling anyway. A week away would objectively end my pumping. But:.. it’s a LOT of money. Like, a LOT. I’m conflicted.
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 21, 2019 20:11:19 GMT -6
That’s a hard choice lemondrop. Could they split the week and do a few days one week and the rest of the days a few weeks later? I totally get not wanting to leave your LO. Would you feel comfortable leaving your H and MIL during that week? If they won’t split the week, and you’re good with your H and MIL caring for your LO and holding down the fort, then go for it!
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Post by tapdancer on May 21, 2019 20:19:39 GMT -6
That’s a hard choice lemondrop. Could they split the week and do a few days one week and the rest of the days a few weeks later? I totally get not wanting to leave your LO. Would you feel comfortable leaving your H and MIL during that week? If they won’t split the week, and you’re good with your H and MIL caring for your LO and holding down the fort, then go for it! All this. As long as he has help and you are ok with leaving especially if this is a good job opportunity that might not come around again.
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Post by lemondrop on May 21, 2019 20:30:44 GMT -6
That’s a hard choice lemondrop. Could they split the week and do a few days one week and the rest of the days a few weeks later? I totally get not wanting to leave your LO. Would you feel comfortable leaving your H and MIL during that week? If they won’t split the week, and you’re good with your H and MIL caring for your LO and holding down the fort, then go for it! They won’t split the week. It’s a big corporation - relatively inflexible when it comes to training because of the type of business. (Finance/ banking) I’d be ok with my MIL and H holding down the fort but... it’s a long time to be away Sunday to Saturday. I can’t even scoot out early bc they have a mandatory Friday pm team outing. I know he won’t remember but I will 😭 also not a guarantee I can get my MIL to fly down for a full week since they were just here 2 weeks ago and she has a full time job (she’s in New Hampshire).
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 21, 2019 20:34:10 GMT -6
That’s a hard choice lemondrop. Could they split the week and do a few days one week and the rest of the days a few weeks later? I totally get not wanting to leave your LO. Would you feel comfortable leaving your H and MIL during that week? If they won’t split the week, and you’re good with your H and MIL caring for your LO and holding down the fort, then go for it! They won’t split the week. It’s a big corporation - relatively inflexible when it comes to training because of the type of business. (Finance/ banking) I’d be ok with my MIL and H holding down the fort but... it’s a long time to be away Sunday to Saturday. I can’t even scoot out early bc they have a mandatory Friday pm team outing. I know he won’t remember but I will 😭 also not a guarantee I can get my MIL to fly down for a full week since they were just here 2 weeks ago and she has a full time job (she’s in New Hampshire). Is there anyone besides your MIL that you and your H would trust to help and who could come if your MIL couldn’t? That is a long time to be away. Yes he won’t remember, but I know you will cry! I would too. Which way are you leaning (go or not)?
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Post by lemondrop on May 21, 2019 20:50:13 GMT -6
They won’t split the week. It’s a big corporation - relatively inflexible when it comes to training because of the type of business. (Finance/ banking) I’d be ok with my MIL and H holding down the fort but... it’s a long time to be away Sunday to Saturday. I can’t even scoot out early bc they have a mandatory Friday pm team outing. I know he won’t remember but I will 😭 also not a guarantee I can get my MIL to fly down for a full week since they were just here 2 weeks ago and she has a full time job (she’s in New Hampshire). Is there anyone besides your MIL that you and your H would trust to help and who could come if your MIL couldn’t? That is a long time to be away. Yes he won’t remember, but I know you will cry! I would too. Which way are you leaning (go or not)? I’m wracking my brain for who else could help. My SIL is awesome but she lives in CA. FIL can’t take more time off right off now. I’m estranged from my mother and my brother is... insane. My BFF has cancer. Other BFF has a 10 year old and would only come to visit for a full week if I was here. H’s grandparents live 4 hours away in the outer banks but they’re elderly. Gahhhh. I honestly don’t know which way I’m leaning. The money is super enticing but it’s also super stressful. H and I were discussing my taking something possibly part time, like as a receptionist or something, to get out of that environment.
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jacks
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Post by jacks on May 21, 2019 20:50:36 GMT -6
lemondrop That is tough. Is the actual job something you are really excited about? I feel like starting a new job also takes a lot more time and mental energy than returning to a job you’re used to. I’m in the same industry and I think another big factor for me is the work/life balance. Thankfully the company I work for has a great culture that does not look down upon people making it home for family dinner, but I know we are not the norm. So basically I have no answer to your question, just more questions that might help make the answer more clear. If you do take it, you will all make it through the week, even if there are some tears. I feel like the initial rip of the bandaid is the hardest part.
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grover
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Post by grover on May 21, 2019 20:51:12 GMT -6
orangehibiscus, could you fly your MIL out to where the training is, so she can watch him during the day and you can be with him overnights? I would probably accept the job, bc a lot of $ would help us knock out debt and reach other goals faster. But, we're poor lol
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 21, 2019 21:15:30 GMT -6
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Post by lemondrop on May 21, 2019 22:04:03 GMT -6
lemondrop That is tough. Is the actual job something you are really excited about? I feel like starting a new job also takes a lot more time and mental energy than returning to a job you’re used to. I’m in the same industry and I think another big factor for me is the work/life balance. Thankfully the company I work for has a great culture that does not look down upon people making it home for family dinner, but I know we are not the norm. So basically I have no answer to your question, just more questions that might help make the answer more clear. If you do take it, you will all make it through the week, even if there are some tears. I feel like the initial rip of the bandaid is the hardest part. I’m not remotely excited about the job. That said, I’m someone who generally works for the paycheck - I don’t need to be fulfilled by what I’m doing as long as I get good time off and make the money that sustains my lifestyle. I left my last job on 4/1 because of a dysfunctional environment but it’s literally the exact same thing I’d be doing at this new company (I’m in sales - besides their software, the entire job/ process is the same). Work/ life balance in high risk sales is a joke. But again, what I’m used to. I just was hoping to find something less stressful.
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Post by lemondrop on May 21, 2019 22:10:20 GMT -6
orangehibiscus, could you fly your MIL out to where the training is, so she can watch him during the day and you can be with him overnights? I would probably accept the job, bc a lot of $ would help us knock out debt and reach other goals faster. But, we're poor lol I don’t have that kind of relationship with my MIL. She’d be more apt to go to my home and hang with M there if she got to see my H. But again, they were literally just here and she works full time. I know she doesn’t have unlimited time off. I don’t even know that my H would ask her, bc she’s been to NC twice this year and hasn’t been to my SILs in CA and it would cause some significant drama if she came here again. (SIL thinks my H is the favorite, so MIL tries to make everything SUPER FAIR 100%).
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2019 7:04:26 GMT -6
lemondrop, that’s a tough one. I....think I’d lean towards passing based what you’ve said about lack of life/work balance in that industry, The logistics of the training suck but if it were something you were excited about, I’d say make it work. Thinking long term though, it doesn’t sound like this is a job you especially want, and if you have the financial means to do so, I would keep looking. I’m not someone who needs to be fully fulfilled by work either, but I do value balance and am willing to work for less if it means I can be home at 5 every night to make dinner for my kids.
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Post by lemondrop on May 22, 2019 8:15:09 GMT -6
lemondrop, that’s a tough one. I....think I’d lean towards passing based what you’ve said about lack of life/work balance in that industry, The logistics of the training suck but if it were something you were excited about, I’d say make it work. Thinking long term though, it doesn’t sound like this is a job you especially want, and if you have the financial means to do so, I would keep looking. I’m not someone who needs to be fully fulfilled by work either, but I do value balance and am willing to work for less if it means I can be home at 5 every night to make dinner for my kids. I woke up this morning dreading I might see an email from the recruiting manager, so I think you’re spot on. Turning down the $$ kind of makes me wanna puke, but the negatives are too much right now.
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 22, 2019 11:03:00 GMT -6
lemondrop, that’s a tough one. I....think I’d lean towards passing based what you’ve said about lack of life/work balance in that industry, The logistics of the training suck but if it were something you were excited about, I’d say make it work. Thinking long term though, it doesn’t sound like this is a job you especially want, and if you have the financial means to do so, I would keep looking. I’m not someone who needs to be fully fulfilled by work either, but I do value balance and am willing to work for less if it means I can be home at 5 every night to make dinner for my kids. I woke up this morning dreading I might see an email from the recruiting manager, so I think you’re spot on. Turning down the $$ kind of makes me wanna puke, but the negatives are too much right now. There’s your answer! If you’re dreading an email about this opportunity then I would turn it down. Life is not all about money and chasing the dollar. Sure we need money to live, but don’t pursue a new opportunity solely for the better money (with a few exceptions of course). If it’s not something you want or would negatively impact your work/life balance, then I would pass.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 22, 2019 13:16:59 GMT -6
lemondrop, that's tough. I would be willing to leave for a week if I made a bunch of more money, but I generally like my job and work/life balance. If you are looking to maybe switch industries anyway, I would pass.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 22, 2019 13:18:02 GMT -6
I think I am spotting. Has anyone gotten their first pp period yet? This is super ugh... with my first it didn't come back for a year! Difference between exclusively nursing and pumping?
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 22, 2019 13:19:35 GMT -6
I think I am spotting. Has anyone gotten their first pp period yet? This is super ugh... with my first it didn't come back for a year! Difference between exclusively nursing and pumping? I had a couple random days of spotting after my PP bleeding stopped. That was probably 3-4 weeks ago, and I’m 9 weeks PP now. So far no signs of my period returning. ETA: I’m nursing the vast majority of the time, but pumping some (mostly after nursing). I wouldn’t think that that nursing vs pumping would make a difference there but I’m not sure.
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pambee
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Post by pambee on May 22, 2019 14:32:57 GMT -6
lemondrop I think the other ladies have covered most of what I thought, but wanted to add my own too. On one hand, I want to say that I know you would remember being gone (and it wouldn't be easy) BUT honestly when they're this little is the easiest time in a way. They aren't doing much developmentally that you'd miss out on (crawling, first steps, talking, etc) and a week is a blip in the radar. If this job would require a lot of traveling like this, it could be better to get "used" to it now. On the other, and this is where I think you're leaning anyways, the fact that it's stressing you out so much now says a lot. I don't think the money is worth it, and unless this were like extreme circumstances and you wouldn't be able to eat or pay bills without it, I'd pass. You mentioned you just liked to sustain your lifestyle, and this might be an indicator that the lifestyle you're used to or expecting is shifting, which makes sense when you add a child to the mix. Whereas before it might have been a no brainer, you have more to weigh it against now. And, I'm saying this because I've heard myself say things in this same way so many times before, the way you're saying now about MIL maybe not even being able to come down, etc, says to me that you're trying to come up excuses that won't let you do it anyways. If YH is struggling with PPD that's a big factor for me, and even if he says he could do it, I'm sure you would hate for him to get half way through the week and change his mind. And finally, since this isn't even the career path you want to continue, I wouldn't bother wasting your time getting stuck back in that rut. Find something that is going to work better with your schedule and lifestyle, and reduce your stress!!
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 22, 2019 15:41:48 GMT -6
I am thinking more about this lemondrop, and I wanted to say it is definitely ok to do it since I didn't expicitly say that before. We wouldn't think twice of dads going away to trainings, you know? It's also a lot to take on a career change right now, so even if you do it for the money alone, that's totally valid! If you decide to take it, could you hire a father's helper to come each day for a few hours to give your H a hand?
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2019 15:58:00 GMT -6
I think I am spotting. Has anyone gotten their first pp period yet? This is super ugh... with my first it didn't come back for a year! Difference between exclusively nursing and pumping? I’m spotting as of this morning. Of course I’m formula feeding now so it’s different.... Still annoying tho.
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Post by snickerdoodle on May 23, 2019 2:24:21 GMT -6
Good luck with your decision lemondrop. I don’t have a great opportunity but am also in transition between jobs and I think it would be really hard for me to go especially if it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing and high stress! Eames I think it’s just how your hormones respond. I haven’t got mine back yet this time but with my first had it right away around 4-6 weeks and I breastfeed. Hoping I get a little longer this time.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on May 23, 2019 7:53:49 GMT -6
What (if anything) are people doing for baby books? I am doing old fashioned books with printed photos like I did for DD, but I keep seeing ads for queepsake (sp?) and other digital ones.
Also, if you are taking photos but not many videos, I encourage you to take a few short ones, even if they are a few seconds. It's so sweet to go back and see DD moving around and "talking" as an infant!
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Post by orangehibiscus on May 23, 2019 7:56:57 GMT -6
What (if anything) are people doing for baby books? I am doing old fashioned books with printed photos like I did for DD, but I keep seeing ads for queepsake (sp?) and other digital ones. Also, if you are taking photos but not many videos, I encourage you to take a few short ones, even if they are a few seconds. It's so sweet to go back and see DD moving around and "talking" as an infant! We have a traditional baby book, but we haven’t actually put any pictures in it yet. I have no idea what a queepsake is. We have taken several videos of DD, and I’m still taking daily pictures of her!
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jacks
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Post by jacks on May 23, 2019 8:31:51 GMT -6
What (if anything) are people doing for baby books? I am doing old fashioned books with printed photos like I did for DD, but I keep seeing ads for queepsake (sp?) and other digital ones. Also, if you are taking photos but not many videos, I encourage you to take a few short ones, even if they are a few seconds. It's so sweet to go back and see DD moving around and "talking" as an infant! I am terrible with baby books. I never filled much out for DD1. I have a first year calendar for DD1 that is sort of filled out, so I bought one for DD2. I am actually going back and filling in more for DD1. To be fair, her baby-hood was very stressful for me (for non-baby reasons), so I think the fact that I have ANYTHING at all is a miracle.
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