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Post by lemondrop on Mar 6, 2019 13:24:07 GMT -6
Do not let him file your taxes. This. And agreed that unless Christmas presents were diamonds and a car, or he is eating gold flake at the Ritz for "lunch" every day, he is lying in this next trickle of "truth." Yep. $20-30k over 8-9 months is $2500-3500 a month in extra fun money for HIM while you're working OT for car repairs? I'd punch him in the face just for that.
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mack
Amethyst
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Post by mack on Mar 6, 2019 13:24:08 GMT -6
Oh, i was thinking it was a good sign that he wanted to file the taxes because that meant he was reporting the income!
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Post by microworm on Mar 6, 2019 13:25:08 GMT -6
This. And agreed that unless Christmas presents were diamonds and a car, or he is eating gold flake at the Ritz for "lunch" every day, he is lying in this next trickle of "truth." Yep. $20-30k over 8-9 months is $2500-3500 a month in extra fun money for HIM while you're working OT for car repairs? I'd punch him in the face just for that. Yes. Fuck that shit with a sick dick.
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Post by Rusty Red on Mar 6, 2019 13:26:06 GMT -6
Get thee to an attorney. If nothing else, he is going to be in major tax trouble, and you could take a serious hit for this. Regardless of what you decide about your relationship, you need some financial help here.
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Post by angelashly on Mar 6, 2019 13:46:41 GMT -6
Oh, i was thinking it was a good sign that he wanted to file the taxes because that meant he was reporting the income! Me too and that he didn't want her to see that he took it out. but I can see why people are saying to not let him to make sure it is done
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Post by robotsvswrestlers on Mar 6, 2019 14:04:47 GMT -6
OP, you said you need he smoked weed and that he admitted to using more than that. Do you truly know the extent of his drug usage? This is screaming a drug habit to me.
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STP
Diamond
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Post by STP on Mar 6, 2019 14:05:51 GMT -6
Oh, i was thinking it was a good sign that he wanted to file the taxes because that meant he was reporting the income! I would agree if it it wasn’t with the caveat of her not seeing them first. Why would it matter if she saw them unless there’s something shady?
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STP
Diamond
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Post by STP on Mar 6, 2019 14:07:00 GMT -6
Idk about drugs.
I assume he’s cheating. This seems more chick on the side than anything else.
I’m sorry to be blunt, OP. Please get a std panel run, just to be on the safe side.
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claudia
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Post by claudia on Mar 6, 2019 14:09:38 GMT -6
I’m so sorry. This sounds terrible. Protect yourself and kids first.
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Post by cabbagecabbage on Mar 6, 2019 14:13:53 GMT -6
This is him leveraging his future and family in the name of a good time. He has prioritized his image in the eyes of complete strangers above your financial well being as a family. What a shithead. I'm so mad on your behalf.
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Post by donnameagle on Mar 6, 2019 14:15:48 GMT -6
OP, you said you need he smoked weed and that he admitted to using more than that. Do you truly know the extent of his drug usage? This is screaming a drug habit to me. This is hookers and blow money, TBH.
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Post by donnameagle on Mar 6, 2019 14:18:01 GMT -6
Idk about drugs. I assume he’s cheating. This seems more chick on the side than anything else. I’m sorry to be blunt, OP. Please get a std panel run, just to be on the safe side. To me it is more many chicks... that charge. Other than a bad drug habit, how does this money just... poof.
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Mar 6, 2019 14:18:32 GMT -6
Idk about drugs. I assume he’s cheating. This seems more chick on the side than anything else. I’m sorry to be blunt, OP. Please get a std panel run, just to be on the safe side. Yea, honestly my first thought was "groceries, eating out, birthday gifts, for like a whole another family?"...
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:21:48 GMT -6
Eh. Maybe drugs. Maybe a girlfriend. Maybe lots of girlfriends. Maybe gambling. Maybe a sex addiction. Maybe a shopping addiction. Maybe a second life.
I think the only thing this screams is that this goes deep.
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pearbear
Amethyst
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Post by pearbear on Mar 6, 2019 14:24:41 GMT -6
I think the other thing that is bothering me the most about all of this is that it sounds like the guy just doesn't even care. He does not seem to be remorseful or trying to figure out a way to make things better. This is such stupid/immature behavior for a husband and a father. That alone would make me want to leave immediately. What a jerk.
OP, I hope you do take some of the advice here and start getting your affairs in order. If for no other reason other than for your children. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
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Post by Rusty Red on Mar 6, 2019 14:26:26 GMT -6
I always go back and forth on what people say is "burn it down" territory on this board. I often do not live in the same "burn it down" arena as many others here.With all that being said, I can tell you for certain I'd divorce my husband over the facts laid out in this thread. I could never rebuild trust after this. And somewhat equal to that problem is that I could never rebuild any respect. What he's doing is pathetic, especially with young kids at home. I have absolutely no space for this kind of bullshit. I'd be gone and I'd be crucifying his ass in the process. I tend to live in this area too, but 30K out of retirement is light the torch for me, same as you.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:27:02 GMT -6
I don't tend to lean into the theory of drugs. That's a pretty serious drug habit and would be accompanied by a lot of red-flag behaviors. Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread.
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pearbear
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Post by pearbear on Mar 6, 2019 14:30:53 GMT -6
Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. maybe? I don't know I also don't think I caught all the details. But based on my own personal experiences with people deep into drugs in my life, $30,000 would be hard to spend on pot and booze alone. It would be on harder drugs (if applicable) and would result in a lot more issues than just drinking and sitting around. But maybe I also missed some details because that would seem like a buried lede to me... like is this dude's behavior so erratic to suggest drugs? She noted that in his first trickle of information he confessed to doing stuff harder than weed.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:31:37 GMT -6
Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. maybe? I don't know I also don't think I caught all the details. But based on my own personal experiences with people deep into drugs in my life, $30,000 would be hard to spend on pot and booze alone. It would be on harder drugs (if applicable) and would result in a lot more issues than just drinking and sitting around. But maybe I also missed some details because that would seem like a buried lede to me... like is this dude's behavior so erratic to suggest drugs? Like I could see hard drugs and then laying around being like, “I’m just hungover or stoned.” I don’t think this screams drugs. But with $$$ he’s spending and his behavior, I also wouldn’t rule it out. I def think there’s something deep going on. Assuming I didn’t invent the drug thing in my head in a drunken haze.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Mar 6, 2019 14:33:04 GMT -6
I don't tend to lean into the theory of drugs. That's a pretty serious drug habit and would be accompanied by a lot of red-flag behaviors. Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. Yes. He is no help on the weekends and she is working OT.
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Post by lemondrop on Mar 6, 2019 14:33:27 GMT -6
I don't tend to lean into the theory of drugs. That's a pretty serious drug habit and would be accompanied by a lot of red-flag behaviors. I just googled "how much does cocaine cost" so. There's that. #square From my small bit of research, it does seem like he'd have to be doing a LOT of drugs. It could truly be a combo of vices. Either way, he needs to pony up receipts about where this cash has gone.
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Post by robotsvswrestlers on Mar 6, 2019 14:36:19 GMT -6
I don't tend to lean into the theory of drugs. That's a pretty serious drug habit and would be accompanied by a lot of red-flag behaviors. Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. Yes. This plus the message she read on his phone or Facebook that said something like “lay off this batch. It’s been deadly.” is why I’m thinking he at least has a deeper drug habit than originally thought. No matter what, spending that much in a short period is major red flag territory. I’m afraid for how much more stuff is going to come to the surface.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:36:34 GMT -6
Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. Yes. He is no help on the weekends and she is working OT. Thank you. I am existing in my own trickle truth. Small little memories of things I read this weekend keep coming back to me.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2019 14:37:00 GMT -6
I don't care if he donated $30K to starving children, where the money went is completely irrelevant. Get yourself and your kids and your assets the fuck out of there right now and ask questions later.
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Post by angelashly on Mar 6, 2019 14:39:00 GMT -6
I don't tend to lean into the theory of drugs. That's a pretty serious drug habit and would be accompanied by a lot of red-flag behaviors. Didn’t OP say her H drinks/smokes weed to the point of laying around not helping her with kids? I think it could possibly be drugs. Or did I imagine that bit of info? I could have. I was drunk in Canada for most of this thread. She said he admitted to weed and other drugs, but never mentioned what the other drugs were
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:40:42 GMT -6
I don't care if he donated $30K to starving children, where the money went is completely irrelevant. Get yourself and your kids and your assets the fuck out of there right now and ask questions later. “Ive wanted to do the taxes myself because I didn’t want you to know all the charitable contributions I have made!”
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Post by angelashly on Mar 6, 2019 14:40:45 GMT -6
I don't think all the money went to drugs, but I can see it being part of the lifestyle he wants. drugs, partying, other women
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Mar 6, 2019 14:40:57 GMT -6
Well I don't remember the "deadly batch" comment but I also was v v drunk on Saturday.
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gussie
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Post by gussie on Mar 6, 2019 14:41:12 GMT -6
I know you're scared about separating because you're afraid of losing your pension and being left to take care of two kids while he lives a nice cushy life, but think of the damage this guy could do if you stay. I mean you're working overtime to pay his debt and he's taking out tens of thousands to fuck around? I would be more nervous about finances if you stayed.
Either way you need to look at his retirement accounts and your taxes. And bank accounts, credit cards etc. And start making copies for an attorney.
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Mar 6, 2019 14:41:57 GMT -6
Well I don't remember the "deadly batch" comment but I also was v v drunk on Saturday. I dont either but if so, woof.
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