dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 6, 2019 21:01:58 GMT -6
Sorry for the super long post but I just need to vent.
I feel like the shittiest mom in the world. V cried so much today and I just can’t give him all the attention I want to give.
Between running around all morning to take DS1 to school, take DD to storytime, pick up DS1 from school, get the big ones fed so I could drop them with my MIL and go to moms group with V...it’s nearly impossible to find time to change him, feed him, etc.
He was hungry when we got to storytime but only ate a little (because my let down was extra strong this morning) then passed out. By the time storytime ended I could smell he needed a new diaper and he was starting to wake and complain, but I couldn’t stop to change him because we had to book it to pick up DS1. He fell back asleep, then woke screaming when the car stopped at the school, fell back asleep then woke screaming when the car stopped at the drive thru, and so on.
So basically he didn’t get changed or fed when he needed today nor did he get sufficient naps.
It’s especially bad because for the first 4 weeks I cuddled him all day long while MH handled all the shuttling of the older two. Now it’s 100% on me.
I’m also dealing with horrendous lower back pain that is worst in the evening. It’s making me extra cranky and short-tempered with all 3 kids, not to mention harder to get shit done because I’m in pain. It makes it so sometimes I have to leave V on his playmat or in his bouncer when I’d normally wear him. Then when he starts crying I feel like an asshole.
A little while ago he and I did a really nice, calm bedtime and he fell asleep. I put him in the Rock and Play and went downstairs hoping to finish up the cleaning and eat some dinner. He of course woke up within 3 minutes. I turned off the monitor and tried to just eat and load the dishwasher super fast. By the time I got upstairs (about 14 minutes later) he was quiet. He cried himself to sleep 😢 I feel like a complete failure.
Fortunately/unfortunately my baby does not actually sleep laying anywhere but on me, so before I was even halfway through this novel of a post, he already had woken up again. So I’m rocking him now and trying to redeem myself.
Cookies and wine to anyone who read this whole thing.
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 6, 2019 21:41:08 GMT -6
dashook I very much hope you are the one who’s getting wine and cookies, because that sounds like a lot to deal with. Be gentle with yourself— this is the prime time for colic to show up and you’re still freshly adjusting to being home alone with three. There is only so much you can do with the competing needs of 3 young kids and it is clear you are trying your best to balance everything. You will get the hang of this, I promise. Those early days are just so hard.
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Feb 6, 2019 22:11:58 GMT -6
dashook cookies and wine to you, and hugs! You're one person and still adjusting to a major change in your family dynamic, and so is V. 💙 I totally agree with notagoddess, it will get better. He's not going to remember one off day and ultimately you ARE meeting his needs. Give yourself grace.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 6, 2019 22:19:43 GMT -6
dashook, I'm not going to lie, that's what I'm worried about happening here. I am thankful that DS1 is in kindergarten so he's at school most of the day and we prepay daycare hours if I have to push picking him up. Mostly, I worry about the impact on DS2. He's much more demanding than DS1 has ever been in a lot of ways. Have a huge glass of something strong, mama. You'll figure this out. My parents came over again tonight. My dad brought pizza and entertained DS2 while my mom tore through most of the kitchen cleaning, including all the bottles and pump parts! I feel like I did nothing and yet I spent all afternoon after work and this evening folding laundry. Did realize, though, that we have almost no clothes for A that are newborn through 3 months. Guess I need to do some shopping...
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Feb 6, 2019 22:25:27 GMT -6
OH and dashook, Google the self-test for diastasis recti and test yourself just in case. I get horrific lower back pain with it post-partum and it's worst at night because my back spends all day compensating for the lack of core support in the front. Combined with carrying an infant around all the time it can be awful. It might not be your issue, but if it is, I can give you info to help make it better. ❤️ I'm a big advocate of awareness of it bc I suffered unknowingly for so long!
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 7, 2019 2:05:55 GMT -6
notagoddess thelittleredm hrh thank you ladies 💗 thelittleredm you probably already know this but shopping for baby girl clothes is amazingly fun—enjoy!! hrh so funny enough we actually had a group of pelvic floor physical therapists come talk at my moms group today. My separation isn’t too bad this time but they did say the back pain also could be related to just carrying and birthing a third child because the relaxin puts things more out of place each time. That plus posture issues from breastfeeding, lugging around a carseat, etc. are likely culprits. Either way, I already told MH (by text, I didn’t actually see him today) that I want a PT eval because I can’t tolerate this day after day. I’m so sorry you went through it too!
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 7, 2019 2:17:45 GMT -6
dashook- hugs! Those are a lot of big feelings. Give yourself some grace. It’s going to take time to settle into a new routine with 3 kids. I hope tomorrow feels easier for you
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 7, 2019 6:23:19 GMT -6
dashook you are already a super mom with how much you give and pour into your children everyone day! V might not have been thrilled with how the day went but he is safe and healthy and getting masses of love and care! My overriding thought reading your post is to give yourself permission to pull back from commitments here and there... I'm sure the kiddos activities are a huge help with keeping them content each day but at a tricky transition time maybe see if there's something you can pull back on if possible, to say no to a story time or save the dishes for YH or whatever it may be on a given day! Also I hope a PT appt makes all the difference for you! Do those pp abdominal binders do anything for back support in the interim?
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Feb 7, 2019 7:36:25 GMT -6
dashook hope today goes better for you! ❤️ And yay, a PT eval is exactly what I would have recommended the most. Especially if those PTs came to you, they'll be knowledgeable - I had one bad PT initially who wasn't very helpful. Hope it helps, worth doing a million times over IMO! I will be doing it too.
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 7, 2019 8:01:02 GMT -6
sunshiney the binder thing that I have doesn’t seem to have much effect on my back pain. Still worth wearing though. I’m just trying to be conscious about engaging my core when I do things, to try to take the strain off my back. That and ibuprofen 👍🏻 hrh that stinks about the snow day! Remind me, what region do you live in? I know all too well what it’s like dragging two older kids to the appointments. Hope they behave great for you!
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 7, 2019 8:06:05 GMT -6
MH is trying really hard you guys. He keeps asking me what he can do when he gets home. Normally I don’t like that question because it sort of invites him to do only the one or two things I say (e.g. the trash needs to go out) but ignore everything else (like dishes, unswept floors, etc.).
Last night it indeed was the dining room floor that I mentioned because it was so gross but my back hurt way too much for sweeping, and he said he’d sweep when he got home. He did, and he also emptied the dishwasher AND didn’t leave 25 new dirty dishes in the sink like usual. I’m very pleasantly surprised.
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 7, 2019 8:06:44 GMT -6
DS1 just asked me to "Make another boy baby." 😳 No thanks, dude. There's a brand new girl baby right there in front of you. I will not be making another baby right now. Lol!
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 7, 2019 8:18:52 GMT -6
@amc when the kids came to visit in the hospital I told them they still had to be careful of my belly (fresh csection and all) and DD1 asked if it was because I had another baby sister in my belly. Then added that one could be for DS because DD2 is HER baby sister.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Feb 7, 2019 8:32:33 GMT -6
cch I had a membrane sweep at 40+1 with DD and didn't feel anything. At all. I went into labour a few hours later so for me it was all positive. I didn't even know they could hurt! I might have changed my mind if I'd known that... There was a flood at the hospital I was going to deliver at so they didn't want to do the sweep until they were sure there were no more issues at the hospital...which is why it was done so late (it was originally scheduled for a week or so earlier).
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Feb 7, 2019 9:06:46 GMT -6
I jinxed myself. 🤦 Dr. called and the u/s tech isn't coming in due to weather but I still get to go for the NST and appt. Awesome.
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 7, 2019 9:17:44 GMT -6
tngrl3 @amc I’m also not a fan of waking sleeping babies (and I really don’t love living my life in 2-3-hour increments). It’s been helpful to know that we’re dealing with so many of the same issues. I keep reminding myself that this stress will be brief and that B will be running around with his brother and causing mayhem before I know it. dashook Huge hugs. Yesterday was a rough day, but I have no doubt that you did the best that you could while adjusting to this new routine (I would have been a crying mess before the day was half over). Your littles know that they’re loved, and nothing will change that. This will get easier ❤️
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 7, 2019 10:16:50 GMT -6
I found out my hospital now offers nitrous oxide for labor. Has anyone used it? It wasn't an option when I gave birth 2 years ago. I would love to get some pain relief without an epidural.
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k
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Post by k on Feb 7, 2019 10:26:34 GMT -6
dashook echoing what everyone else said. you’re doing a great job and baby is doing just fine. Just take it day by day ❤️.
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k
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Post by k on Feb 7, 2019 10:28:04 GMT -6
DS1 just asked me to "Make another boy baby." 😳 No thanks, dude. There's a brand new girl baby right there in front of you. I will not be making another baby right now. Lol DS1 told MH last night...now I want a boy baby. 🤪
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k
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Post by k on Feb 7, 2019 10:30:03 GMT -6
I found out my hospital now offers nitrous oxide for labor. Has anyone used it? It wasn't an option when I gave birth 2 years ago. I would love to get some pain relief without an epidural. No experience but I’ve read it can be really helpful. I’ve heard the first dose lasts the longest and then subsequent doses not so much.
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 7, 2019 10:32:33 GMT -6
Still feels so unreal but baby girl is here! I will post our birth story later today but she’s 8lbs 1oz and 20 1/4” long. I ended up not having time for an epidural and am still in shock but she is absolutely perfect!
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 7, 2019 10:36:37 GMT -6
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k
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Post by k on Feb 7, 2019 10:37:33 GMT -6
Still feels so unreal but baby girl is here! I will post our birth story later today but she’s 8lbs 1oz and 20 1/4” long. I ended up not having time for an epidural and am still in shock but she is absolutely perfect! Congrats! 💕
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 7, 2019 10:42:07 GMT -6
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Feb 7, 2019 11:16:45 GMT -6
Oh my goodness, CONGRATS cch! 😍 Welcome to the world baby girl!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 7, 2019 11:26:13 GMT -6
cch, Congratulations mama!!!! Can't wait to read your birth story! notagoddess, No experience with it here, but I've heard stories on other boards that in general it was well liked when it was offered.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 7, 2019 11:29:29 GMT -6
MH is trying really hard you guys. He keeps asking me what he can do when he gets home. Normally I don’t like that question because it sort of invites him to do only the one or two things I say (e.g. the trash needs to go out) but ignore everything else (like dishes, unswept floors, etc.). Last night it indeed was the dining room floor that I mentioned because it was so gross but my back hurt way too much for sweeping, and he said he’d sweep when he got home. He did, and he also emptied the dishwasher AND didn’t leave 25 new dirty dishes in the sink like usual. I’m very pleasantly surprised. Do we have the same H? Lol He hasn't done jack shit around the house until my parents started coming over to help me after work and my mom keeps making under the breath comments about how she would've lost her shit at my dad if our roles were different and how I'm a much better woman than her, patience-wise. I just laugh because it has everything to do with not having the energy to deal with the fight that would inevitably ensue if I brought up how much he WASN'T doing. But good on him for trying! Not that they should have to try to be good about that stuff but I get it. Maybe he could give my H some pointers??
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 7, 2019 11:48:56 GMT -6
Omg cch! Congratulations!!! I can’t wait to hear more!
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 7, 2019 11:57:03 GMT -6
cch congrats! Welcome baby girl!
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 7, 2019 12:03:33 GMT -6
cch Congratulations!! So excited to hear more!
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