Naming after family question

[Deleted]

We are having a baby boy this August. I’m sure I will be back for some name help in the future! I want to feel out something here to see if I’m being over the top. We have a daughter that is not named after family. I wanted to give her a family middle name but dh didn’t care for the names I had in mind. Dh suggested naming baby boy after our dads (both dads first names). I actually like the names and nickname associated with it but I don’t feel right about giving my son a family name when my daughter doesn’t have one. I don’t want her to feel left out and/or that her name is not special. I don’t think I could/would do this even though I like the names.

What do you guys think? Am I being reasonable or is this over the top?

Trying to get a sense if I’m being unreasonable and should reconsider.

[tinyjoys]

My first name is the feminine version of my godfather's middle name and my middle names are both my grandma's middle names; my brother's middle name is the full name of the nickname our grandpa went by. My sister has no family name in hers at all. She is not bothered by this at all and LOVES her name.

One of my son's middle names is after both my godfather and also his godfather by proxy. Our oldest daughter doesn't have a family name at all. We lost my grandpa unexpectedly last March and found out we were expecting in August. I wanted to honor him somehow with this baby and she'll have a name that honors him untraditionally as her middle name.

All that to say, I don't think it matters in the grand scheme of things, but it's something YOU have to feel comfortable it, too. I think the idea of honoring both dads is pretty awesome, though.**

**ETA: I mean honoring both sides with one name by that comment. 

[ladynemesis]

I don't necessarily agree that you shouldn't do it because one child didn't get a family name. The bit that would rub me the wrong way (and this is just me) is having a daughter not get a family name and having a son get a name that seems like a literal celebration of the patriarchy.

[Deleted]

Apr 27, 2018 14:49:13 GMT -6 ladynemesis said:

I don't necessarily agree that you shouldn't do it because one child didn't get a family name. The bit that would rub me the wrong way (and this is just me) is having a daughter not get a family name and having a son get a name that seems like a literal celebration of the patriarchy.

I think that’s what feels wrong to me. I’m wondering if I’d feel differently if the names weren’t both dads...

[tinyjoys]

Wait... I think I misunderstood...

I read as both of your dads had the same name (say William). Is this not correct and he's trying to name him William Michael or something with William being FIL's name, and Michael being your dad's name?

[Deleted]

Yes, two different names. The order would be my dad then his (not sure that matters but noting it).

[tinyjoys]

Oh, I'd like to change my opinion then. I originally read that both dads shared a first name. But I can now get the hesitation.

[charlotte]

Meh. I am considering giving my second a family name (my maiden name) as a MN whether it’s a boy or girl. My older son doesn’t have any family names.

But I also see ladynemesis point in your case.

Do what feels right to you, I don’t feel there is a right or wrong here.

[Deleted]

Thank you for the replies. This thread is helping me realize that my hesitation is stemming from my specific example and not one having a family name and one not.

[kaeguri]

FWIW, my older siblings have family names and I don't, and I never really thought about it. I feel all the more unique lol.

[notmoose]

I'm the only one of my siblings that doesn't have any family names in my name. I honestly never really thought about it or cared.

[reginaphalange8]

Over the top. One of my nephews has a family middle name. His brother has no middle name like their dad because they didn't have one to use.

I'm one of three girls and my mom would have used her deseased father's name had any of us been a boy. There were no female family names she wanted to use so we don't have family middle names.

[oliversbear]

I think you're worrying over nothing.

My older brother is named after a family ancestor. My younger brother is named after both our grandfathers. My name is after characters in the book series my mother was reading at the time. It's never bothered me that the boys have family names and I do not.

[joy]

Hmm. Well, I can tell you that I’d be bothered by this as both the parenting doing the naming and the kid receiving the name.

But, I’m weird about names.

[sunshiney]

I'm the oldest - named after the most random person in my parents' lives at the time. My little bro and sis have family names. I hate my name but that's because it's a sucky name that is only ever found in a generation or two older than me, nothing to do with not having a family name.

[lolacachia]

We are going through this now. My son has very strong first and middle family names. If I am pregnant with a girl we have a family name. There are not any boy names left in our families that I like but I feel like I can't do that to this baby and have them left out so I'm going to do some family tree digging and hopefully be able to come up with something.

[tinydancer]

Just adding in here that I think your feelings are totally reasonable.

We're probably going to give our new baby a middle name that comes from my H's stepdad, and I feel a little weird about it. Our son isn't really named after parents or anything (his middle name is my last name but that seems different to me), and I'm worried that our families will feel a certain way about the only "family" name coming from H's stepdad (I'm also not crazy about the name itself). Families are hard and it feels like a big decision because names are pretty permanent.