TW; Chemical Pregnancy, a month later

[mirandapriestly]

TW: loss mentioned

Hi, ladies. 

I created this account last month and just sat on it. A friend of a friend recommended this place and I'm hoping I can make a home here. 

I thought I was signing up for a new and exciting TTC, BMB, and random conversations filled with all the gifs and sarcasm that could make my internet social life complete. Instead I'm here after a chemical pregnancy, with a heavy heart. 

I got my BFP on my 30th birthday. "It's just so perfect" I told myself. "How lucky am I?" I told myself. Not even a few days later my BFP turned into a BFN. Then about a week later I started bleeding. I thought I had grieved. We discussed unisex names to create a momento of our lost one and still haven't come to a consensus, mainly because we just aren't talking about it. We jumped right into trying again after a week full of margaritas, sangria, and micheladas. 

Now I am in the TWW and seriously realizing I am not ready for my heart to hurt again. I was sitting in my monthly meeting for a women's group I'm in and they asked if anyone had any announcements. I kept a brave face as everyone talked about their upcoming trips to Europe, new jobs, professional accolades, etc. and my eyes were watering and I froze. Because I can't tell them that I'm pregnant. And it was too early of a loss and I can't handle another "does it count if it was that early" comment (said by a close friend who said it without malice and quickly tried to recover but still tore my fucking heart out and stomped on it). I'm generally an open book but it's too early and my heart can't hurt again this soon.

It's inspiring to see the bravery that y'all have here. 

Thanks for letting me dump all my shit here. I'm hoping with this way overly poor me post complete I can start jumping in and offering support and humorous gifs where needed.

[flyliceandcoffee]

Mar 17, 2018 21:25:23 GMT -6 mirandapriestly said:

TW: loss mentioned

Hi, ladies. 

I created this account last month and just sat on it. A friend of a friend recommended this place and I'm hoping I can make a home here. 

I thought I was signing up for a new and exciting TTC, BMB, and random conversations filled with all the gifs and sarcasm that could make my internet social life complete. Instead I'm here after a chemical pregnancy, with a heavy heart. 

I got my BFP on my 30th birthday. "It's just so perfect" I told myself. "How lucky am I?" I told myself. Not even a few days later my BFP turned into a BFN. Then about a week later I started bleeding. I thought I had grieved. We discussed unisex names to create a momento of our lost one and still haven't come to a consensus, mainly because we just aren't talking about it. We jumped right into trying again after a week full of margaritas, sangria, and micheladas. 

Now I am in the TWW and seriously realizing I am not ready for my heart to hurt again. I was sitting in my monthly meeting for a women's group I'm in and they asked if anyone had any announcements. I kept a brave face as everyone talked about their upcoming trips to Europe, new jobs, professional accolades, etc. and my eyes were watering and I froze. Because I can't tell them that I'm pregnant. And it was too early of a loss and I can't handle another "does it count if it was that early" comment (said by a close friend who said it without malice and quickly tried to recover but still tore my fucking heart out and stomped on it). I'm generally an open book but it's too early and my heart can't hurt again this soon.

It's inspiring to see the bravery that y'all have here. 

Thanks for letting me dump all my shit here. I'm hoping with this way overly poor me post complete I can start jumping in and offering support and humorous gifs where needed.

I'm so sorry. And it counts. You saw a positive, that always counts. Losing your baby, even so early is never an easy thing, and you deserve to grieve however you need to. Getting pregnant after a loss is always fraught with emotions you might not be ready for, but you will get through them. We're always here if you need it.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Listen, girl. A loss is a loss is a loss. It all fucking sucks, so don't question the validity of it for one second. You were pregnant, and you're now grieving the loss of what could have been.

We often find people who don't get it, who say stupid shit, and it makes you hurt more.

This is why it is so important to find the ones who DO get it. You'll find that here.

I am so sorry for your loss. My advice is to not keep all of your thoughts bottled in. Let yourself grieve. Let others take care of you or at least lend you a shoulder to cry on. Do what you need to do to feel better. One hour at a time, one day at a time.

💓💓💓

[purple]

I'm so sorry.

It's impossible to be too "poor me" after a loss. Every loss hurts and every loss counts. Please use these boards to rant and scream and cry as much as you need to. The loss community here isn't huge, but is loving and supportive.

Unfortunately, people out in the real world usually don't know what to say,and often end up saying the wrong thing. It doesn't mean they don't care. It means that baby loss is so horrendous that it's still a big taboo. My advice is to talk to people you can trust, as much as you need to. And if there aren't many of those in real life, talk to us, because we aren't going anywhere.

[enchanted]

It doesn't matter that you had an early loss; it's still a loss. You were pregnant with a baby you loved. That's what matters.

I'm so sorry you have need of a group like this, but we're here. Hugs!

[Yogurt]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I had a chemical in January and it gutted me. You are completely right to feel your feels. Please know that we understand and vent as you need. ❤

[notmoose]

I'm sorry for your loss. Any feeling you have is valid. Be kind to yourself. Big hugs

[sally]

Mar 17, 2018 21:25:23 GMT -6 mirandapriestly said:

TW: loss mentioned

Hi, ladies. 

I created this account last month and just sat on it. A friend of a friend recommended this place and I'm hoping I can make a home here. 

I thought I was signing up for a new and exciting TTC, BMB, and random conversations filled with all the gifs and sarcasm that could make my internet social life complete. Instead I'm here after a chemical pregnancy, with a heavy heart. 

I got my BFP on my 30th birthday. "It's just so perfect" I told myself. "How lucky am I?" I told myself. Not even a few days later my BFP turned into a BFN. Then about a week later I started bleeding. I thought I had grieved. We discussed unisex names to create a momento of our lost one and still haven't come to a consensus, mainly because we just aren't talking about it. We jumped right into trying again after a week full of margaritas, sangria, and micheladas. 

Now I am in the TWW and seriously realizing I am not ready for my heart to hurt again. I was sitting in my monthly meeting for a women's group I'm in and they asked if anyone had any announcements. I kept a brave face as everyone talked about their upcoming trips to Europe, new jobs, professional accolades, etc. and my eyes were watering and I froze. Because I can't tell them that I'm pregnant. And it was too early of a loss and I can't handle another "does it count if it was that early" comment (said by a close friend who said it without malice and quickly tried to recover but still tore my fucking heart out and stomped on it). I'm generally an open book but it's too early and my heart can't hurt again this soon.

It's inspiring to see the bravery that y'all have here. 

Thanks for letting me dump all my shit here. I'm hoping with this way overly poor me post complete I can start jumping in and offering support and humorous gifs where needed.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

This is going to sound weird, but thank you for posting this. I recently had a CP as well, and I've had a LOT of the same thoughts/feelings you expressed in your post, so reading it and the replies has helped me work through that a bit. Thank you for being brave enough to post.

[enchanted]

sally Hugs! I'm so sorry for your loss.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

sally, I'm sorry for your loss. We're here if you ever need to chat.

[notmoose]

Hugs sally, I'm sorry for your loss!

[purple]

sally, I'm so sorry.

[flyliceandcoffee]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this as well sally.

[sally]

Thanks everyone, and sorry mirandapriestly for crashing your thread.