Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Dec 20, 2017 13:32:52 GMT -6
On Sunday, 12/17/17, I miscarried for the 3rd time in less than two years.
MH and I have been trying to have our first kid since 2015. We tried for a year, I got diagnosed with PCOS, we tried medicated timed intercourse, and then decided to move forward to IVF.
In July of 2016, we started the process of IVF with an egg retrieval. 24 eggs retrieved, with 12 fertilizing normally and EIGHT making it to 5 days of healthy fertilization. This meant we were able to transfer one fresh embryo and freeze the remaining 7. It didn't seem necessary to do PGS testing at the time. It doesn't really matter now anyway.
Here I am a year and a half later with nothing to show for it except pain, sorrow, and anger. No more embryos left.
Each of the miscarriages happened before six weeks. No chance of even seeing a sac (or two, since some of our transfers included two embryos). Of course, it always happened after acceptable beta rising. Everyone at the clinic telling me yay, but I knew I couldn't truly celebrate yet. I would stalk my would-be BMB but never have the confidence to join in.
Ah, the hell week between my last good beta number and when I would have my first ultrasound. A sudden, sharp pain up my cross section followed an hour or so later by everything else. No chance to hope it was just normal ute-stretching by this time around, as each of the losses were almost identical.
I really thought this one might be it, too. I lost >35 pounds since August of this year prior to my transfer. All my levels looked good. I responded to estradiol well and my progesterone was nice and high. But it wasn't to be.
When we first started TTC, there was always something more that we could do - a next step. But now, as we run out of room to move forward, the anxiety of "What will I do now?" wraps its hands around my neck and starts to tighten.
I'm still raw. I know time will help heal. But I'm scared, and hope dwindles more and more with each let down.
Thanks for reading.
MH and I have been trying to have our first kid since 2015. We tried for a year, I got diagnosed with PCOS, we tried medicated timed intercourse, and then decided to move forward to IVF.
In July of 2016, we started the process of IVF with an egg retrieval. 24 eggs retrieved, with 12 fertilizing normally and EIGHT making it to 5 days of healthy fertilization. This meant we were able to transfer one fresh embryo and freeze the remaining 7. It didn't seem necessary to do PGS testing at the time. It doesn't really matter now anyway.
Here I am a year and a half later with nothing to show for it except pain, sorrow, and anger. No more embryos left.
Each of the miscarriages happened before six weeks. No chance of even seeing a sac (or two, since some of our transfers included two embryos). Of course, it always happened after acceptable beta rising. Everyone at the clinic telling me yay, but I knew I couldn't truly celebrate yet. I would stalk my would-be BMB but never have the confidence to join in.
Ah, the hell week between my last good beta number and when I would have my first ultrasound. A sudden, sharp pain up my cross section followed an hour or so later by everything else. No chance to hope it was just normal ute-stretching by this time around, as each of the losses were almost identical.
I really thought this one might be it, too. I lost >35 pounds since August of this year prior to my transfer. All my levels looked good. I responded to estradiol well and my progesterone was nice and high. But it wasn't to be.
When we first started TTC, there was always something more that we could do - a next step. But now, as we run out of room to move forward, the anxiety of "What will I do now?" wraps its hands around my neck and starts to tighten.
I'm still raw. I know time will help heal. But I'm scared, and hope dwindles more and more with each let down.
Thanks for reading.
